back in montgomery

the weekend was a welcome retreat from the normalness of my last few weeks. the concert was good, the several shots of jager was also pretty good. i have finals comming up in a few days. then i need to decide if i am going to class over the summer or not. probably so - why stop now.

i'm glad that these text boxes i type in doesn't do auto-grammer crap. i tend to write these things stream-of-conciousness and one's mental dialog has little time to make sure the verb is in the right place or the sentance is not a fragment. as long as you know what i'm saying, mysterious reader. i should really get my cat to be my proofreader. he'd hiss at it, i'm sure.

my cat is currently playing fetch with me. you read that right.

friday musings

well, i'm in pensacola, hanging out with the 'rents for a day or two. it's a nice chane to normal fridays, but i will miss the bowling. the last week has been up and down, but in that smooth tolerable way. the week at work kicked off great, the phrase i used at the end of that day summed it up pretty well "network fall down go boom". but i'm getting stuff done, at least i think so, thus i won't complain too much. i'm starting to get into this whole "project management" thing, and i'm finding it pretty interesting. perhaps that will be the direction i try to push myself over the next few years. it would be fun to go for a certification that requires about 5 years of experience before consideration. class is going well, but how could it not? too damn easy right now. i'm finding it more appropriate to be honest with my teachers now, they seem to respond to that with more respect to puffery, such as when i told my finance teacher that i had no interest in finance. it's not that i consider whathe likes inferior or anything, he asked me my views and interests and i gave them to him. i hope i get one of his classes for my core finance class, i've found his teaching style pretty effective. as far as personal life goes, things have been dragging. i need to get off my ass and do something about that, lest i become on of those people that i complain about. but i guess if a self fufilling prophesy can't be reflective, it isn't much to be said in the first place. so, hell, deal me some cards.

a pointless ponder...

almost everything comes as a duality of some form or another. it can be hard to see both sides of the coin in many cases, simply because the coin is set in such a way that one side is so hidden it takes near-faith to recognize it's existance. this is the conclusion i have come to about personal change. in nearly every aspect, there are 2 sides to look at... what you see yourself as, and what really is. for example, you might think you are ready for a change, but are you in reality? other examples are left to the reader, i don't feel like dragging this out any more than usual. this leads me to one of my personal mantras... a person is not defined by their words, they are defined by their actions. intent can and does come into play, and can make a difference at times, but actions are still the primary measurement.

so... where does that leave me? nowhere in particular. i tend to make a habit out of pondering questions that have no answers. but more on that specific subject later. for now, i must burgle.

back from the abyss

It's been a while. Too long perhaps. So lets get started, shall we?

The problem with karma is that there is no measuring stick. You don't know when things have balanced back out, or even how things measure up relative to each other. The best you have to go on is your intuition, and it can be skewed by hope or expectation. The truly unfortunate thing is that there is no solution to this issue - you can only do the best you can to moderate it. It does make me wonder though... is a person more akin to overvalueing a good action or undervalueing a bad one?

I have no significant complaints about life right now. Things are going pseudo-smoothly (very smoothly if you remove my mind from the equation) with no real expectation of turblance in the near future. I'm still trying to learn how to wake up early on a consistant basis, but that's a relatively minor complaint. I've also got to get out of debt, but compared to some of the things in the past, that too is rather minor.

Most of the things in life involve choice. You see a set of options, you choose a subset to perform. Thus, the concept of free will. A thought that just occured to me though, is that you have no choice in emotion. You feel what you feel, you cannot nearly as well dictate it. Given, some things may be governable to some degree, but the more powerful the emotion, the less control you have over it at a concious level. A person never asks for emotions, they are given to them.

I'm going to stop with that now. I feel like i'm tapping a bomb with a hammer, and that is just silly.

You know, I wonder if anyone actually reads this.

Then again, I wonder if it should matter.