it's been a fun night

i just got home after a game. went almost exactly as well as the last one, which makes me a happy panda. i'll have to take a friend or 2 out to dinner to celebrate at some point. i didn't know how the extended thanksgiving weekend was going to go for me, but i haveno complaints. i'm getting done what i needed to get done, and i can sleep peacefully.

one thing kinda disturbs me though... why do i feel most alive when i'm at a table?

and so the days turn...

all too slowly. i need to work on my research paper. why can i never force myself to feel urgency on these things?as an unrelated sidenote... a pic of me from about 2 weeks ago...


i like the lighting effect. it looks like i'm about to launch into the air. enough of that.

i've spent most of my day going though old files trying to throw away everything i can and orginize the rest. this is going to take a LONG time. my documents and personal folders are the better part of 20 gigs. i wish i was kidding.

at least they fed us at work today. that was something. overall, quite tasty. left me wanting a long nap, which i didn't get.

i'm sorry i don't have too much more to say. well, too much more to type. i've had a lot on my mind, just not the right medium or audience to get it out. i don't really know what i'm looking for in that regaurd. but i'm sure it will present itself soon. i'll just keep my mind's eye open.

now to start digging through 8.75 GB of mp3 files. fuck.

lacking a crafty title here...

i'm just going to say that my teeth hurt. my wisdom teeth are moving again, causing me great annoyance. i wish i didn't have that typical human trait of messing with something that hurts just because i can. i think we are all masochists at heart. only some of us are sadists though. and i feel that aspect of my being slowly melting away.

the weekend was like any other weekend. things happened. some questions asked, some answered. i think the only way for me to advance is to fall behind first. at least from my internal perspective. i can look at myself and for the first time in about a year and a half say that i honestly don't know what's happening to me mentally. i tend to pride myself on my stoicness of heart and emotion. as exuburant as i may be, usually only my closest friends can get a clear look in the inner workings of my mind. and most of them usually just get frustrated with me. i know it's an odd thing to be proud of and an even odder thing to brag about - but i take any advantage i can get these days.


two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both. i feel for frost. the wise thing to do would be to split in half and take both, and somehow come together down the road. i feel that i can typically do that with 2 roads. but i feel like i'm staring down 10. for the first time in a while, i can honestly say that i feel weak.

if this were a library, i'd owe about $7.25

late fees you know.

i have had plenty to say, just not really the words to say it. the fall makes me rather introspcective, as those that know me no doubt are aware. i love how the season that is most metophorically representative with dying is the one that i most relate with living. it is those pondering that have left my mind full of so many words and ideas that my fingers have been simply weighed down to much to record anything. this passes, as all things do, and will probably in the next month.

i find it odd how the person you see yourself as and the person other people see you as can be quite different. perhaps it is frame of reference, you have known yourself longer than anyone else, and have had more time with yourself than anyone else. perhaps it is standards. there are very few areas i would consider myself knowledgeable enough to even rate as 'smart', and no area that i would consider myself as particularly excelling at. almost everyone i know disagrees with me, and i'm not the only person i know that has this exact weight on them. ahhh... how to be humble without being pathetic... such a fine line... like confidance and arrogance... or bravery and stupidity... or courage and foolishness. i find myself on the wrong side of those lines all too often.

i've been listening to tool a lot for the last 2 days. maybe that's part of my current drooling mood. i'm not really that sure. i predicted an interesting week back on monday, and so far it has delivered, as far as social interactions go (at least on a high level). this has been confined to work (just to be specific with things), and i'm acutally quite content with that. life outside of work has been hectic enough, and the week off is welcome. but my brain doesn't enjoy the quiet. at least it doesn't let me enjoy the quiet.

my horroscope today reads as follows: You may find it difficult to hold in your true feelings. Before you say something you may regret, run your thoughts by someone you trust. It wouldn't hurt to mix business with pleasure. as much as common sense prevents me from trusting the tennents of astrology, i find the information i gather about myself to be frightening accurate. reading a well done star chart for me is like looking dead into a mirror. i don't know that many people who's charts match them so well. i'd better be very careful with myself for the next 10 hours. in some circumstances, i'd probably just take the evening off and stay at home by myself, but i refuse to let planetary position govern me. i find it much more fitting to leave it as a curiousity. but i can't help but wonder...

i have been feeling as if i'm attempting to bust out of my skin. i'm not sure if it's something i lack, or something i have in abundance, or both. perhaps a switch is necessary. but what for what? i've been using my management class much more effectively... writing philosophy. class, by the way, has become more of a formality than something i participate in. i think the only people more bored in those classes than me are my professors. and i'm pretty sure they know that by now. they seem to be fine with it, so i will be fine with it as well. speaking of which, i need to register for next term.

i could ramble on for pages and pages, but why bother? you probably stopped reading about 2 paragraphs ago.